Blogarrhea

I have a ton of things to blog about, but none that I am in the mood to say enough to necessitate their own post. So, I bring you blogarrhea…

- The other day I skinned my knee (to answer all your questions, dry pavement, slippery shoes, and… yes… margaritas – 2 to be exact). I highly recommend that every mother do this at least once in adulthood. Holy crap. It hurts so much more than you think it does when your kid does it. I draw the line at knee skinning. If my kids break something or need some kind of surgery, I don’t plan on being a method mom in that instance.

- The other day in the car, my (almost) four year-old was frustrated with something and grumbled, “Oh Trap.” That was not a typo. He actually said, “Oh Trap.” My new technique for uttering swear words is to just not enunciate. That should do the trick. Either that, or I could just not give a ship…

- I generally don’t like to think of myself as an entitled person (really, who does?), but I have to share a dirty little secret. My gym has about 10 (okay 5, I like to exaggerate) locker rooms, but the one that I “belong” in is the women’s locker room. This locker room has communal showers and lots of naked people in it. I have nothing against nudity, but I get a ton of it at home with the whole pants optional thing that my (almost) four year-old initiates regularly. I do, however, have a thing with privacy. I have never liked communal showers. I really feel like showering is one of those things that nobody should have to watch anyone else do (along with going potty, putting on spanx, and pulling up nylons). So, I have been regularly using the family locker room that has private showers and changing rooms. Yeah. Just me. Without the rest of the people who make me a family. I’ve been checking with people I know to see if there’s anything morally wrong with this (I only do it when that locker room is basically deserted. I pay special attention to the schedule and would never use it during swim lessons or other family programs). Mostly people have said that they think it’s okay, but I haven’t actually asked anyone of authority at my gym. I just keep waiting to get found out, and ousted.

I did find out the other day, though, that I have questionable morals because on one of my radio shows, I shared that I occasionally grab 2 or 3 tampons (even if I don’t need them) when I am in restrooms that offer free tampons. Listen, I have also been known to grab a handful of Kleenex, so I really don’t see the issue with this. However, a caller did, and she called me on it BIG time. I am not, however, the type of person that visits the free sample station at the grocery store more than once – and if I did, I would definitely pretend like I had never been to that station.

- My husband and I are trying to plan an overnight out of town without the kids. We will be gone for no longer than 36 hours, and we have put more work into planning what is going to be happening at home than we have on what we’ll be doing. I guess this is what I signed up for when we shared that special kind of hug and then crossed our fingers that one or more babies would come out of the deal, but my goodness, I need an extra vacation just to rest from the planning of this vacation!

- The other day my girlfriend told me something that was so amazingly innovative, I had to share it: She was on a flight with her infant and she was suffering (and believe me, it is SUFFERING) with Mastitis. She wanted to put a hot pack on it, but didn’t have a hot pack. So (here it comes… it’s pretty ingenious) she asked the flight attendant for some hot water and poured it in a diaper, then she used that as a hot pack. So, it was hot against her body, but waterproof on the outside! AMAZING! I bet that there are so many millions of things that diapers could be used for that we’re not even thinking of! If we could harness the true power of diapers… just think…

- The other day I posted this video on my facebook page and said it was me. I'm afraid that some people thought it actually was. It's not. It's from a public access show that was aired in 1982, I was 5. I am also a redhead. I did have a couple costumes that looked like that, though.