Mom Math

Momaddition:

Mom + 8 hours of restful, uninterrupted sleep = sanity and happiness

The following problems yield the same answer:

Mom + a long, hot, uninterrupted shower

Mom + a pedicure

Mom + a clean house (preferably one that she did not have to clean herself)

Mom + peace and quiet

Mom + occasional martini

Momsubtraction:

Mom - coffee = full blown insanity

Momultiplication:

Kid tantrums X 3 = Visualizing a permanent vacation on an island with fruity drinks and a shirtless manservant

I think we're ready for some word problems:

1. If a 24 pound child is about to tumble from a 1.75 foot height and the child's mom is standing 8 feet away holding a cup of coffee. When the mom proceeds toward the child at a pace of 6 miles per hour, will she spill her coffee?
2. If a child throws a pea from a four foot height toward the floor at a 45 degree angle at a speed of 95 mph, how long will it take the mom to get around to sweeping it up?
3. If a child has 100 6 inch X 6 inch blocks in a 5 foot X 5 foot space, how many blocks would need to be on the floor before mom would run screaming from the room?
4. If a child requests 3 Berenstain Bear books in a 20 minute span of time, how long will it take mom to fall asleep?
5. If child A has gone to bed hungry because he did not finish his dinner, child B has a fever, and child C is teething, how much of Glee will mom be able to watch?
6. If a mom has just vacuumed, how long will it take child A, B, or C to find a cracker in his or her underwear or diaper, and grind it into the carpet?
7. If mom changes diapers at a rate of 30 seconds per diaper, and she changes 2 diapers every 2 hours, how many times will she curse and subsequently pray that the children whom's diapers she is changing will take to potty training faster and more efficiently than their older brother?

Work on those, and then get back to me... wouldja? Show your work, please. Answers are NOT in the back of the book. In fact, the answers are not even written in the book. In fact, screw the book, there isn't one. But in case you're wondering if your answers are correct:

˙spuoɔǝs ʎʇɹıɥʇ ˙ㄥ ˙qoɾ ǝɥʇ pǝɥsıuıɟ sɐɥ ǝɥs ǝɹoɟǝq ˙9 ˙sʇıpǝɹɔ ƃuıuǝdo ˙ގ ˙ǝǝɹɥʇ :sǝƃɐd ɟo ɹǝqɯnu ɐ pɐǝʇsuı ʇnq `ǝɯıʇ ɟo ʇunoɯɐ uɐ ʇou sı ɹǝʍsuɐ ǝɥʇ sɐ `uoıʇsǝnb ʞɔıɹʇ ɐ sı sıɥʇ ˙ㄣ ˙ɯǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo uo pǝddǝʇs sɐɥ ǝɥs ɟı oʍʇ `ɹnoɟ ʇnoqɐ ʎlqɐqoɹd ˙ᄐ ˙ʇı op oʇ ɹǝʇʇısʎqɐq ǝɥʇ ɹo pɐp ɹoɟ ʇıɐʍ llıʍ ǝɥs ˙ᄅ ˙ǝʇıɥʍ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ɹǝʌo llɐ ʎlqɐqoɹd puɐ ˙sǝʎ ˙⇂